Victorious Life of Hannah and Josh: That's So iCarly101
by Zeedr
Summary: Experimental fic attempting to crossover That's So Raven, Hannah Montana, Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Drake and Josh, Zoey101, iCarly, and Victorious. The other shows have been moved to be near Victorious/Zoey101 and it mostly revolves around Hollywood Arts and Pacific Coast Academy, so those are listed as the main crossover.
1. Episode 1

"Why are we even here, Raven? If I tried to pronounce the grades on my last few report cards I'd be stuck stutterin' _FFFFFFFFFFFFF_ all day long," Eddie said, trying desperately to plead with Raven as they were guided through the halls of Pacific Coast Academy. "I can't get into PCA."

Chelsea nodded absently beside him. "Yeah, Ray, I'm not doin' so hot in that department either. In fact, I'm pretty much ice cold."

Raven hung back and let the rest of the tour group move forward so she could talk to her friends more privately. "Guys, trust me. We can do this. Or do you want to be stuck in some stuffy room for hours on end? It's beautiful out here." As they continued, an attractive male student may have glanced at Raven. "_Beautiful._"

"Actually, Ray, how do _you_ plan on getting in?" Chelsea asked. "Last time I checked, you could see the future, not control it."

"I had a vision, guys, trust me, it'll all work out. Just listen to the dumb tour guide, okay?"

The group of possible new students quieted down as their guide began to speak. "Hey, everybody, I'm Michael and I'll be your dumb tour guide for the day," he said as he ran his hand along his close-cropped hair. Raven hid her face in embarrassment.

"Hey, Ray, he's kind of cute," Chelsea decided. "Right, Eddie?"

"Man, how am I supposed to know? He _is_ one of the few people here that's our shade, so he's got that goin' for him, I guess."

Michael continued, "I'm just here 'cause the Dean's a bit tied up right now."

_He is cute_, Raven thought as he spoke. _In a goofy kind of way._

A guy standing with a blonde girl near Michael chimed in. "He's a busy man."

"I know, right?" Michael agreed, before doing a double-take. "Wait, do you two even go here?"

"Not yet, but we will soon," said the blonde as she thrust he hand forward. "I'm Lily, and this is my friend Oliver."

Michael smiled awkwardly and shook it. "Well, I'm sure PCA will be very happy to have you, if you make it in."

"_When_ we make it in," Lily said, not letting go.

Oliver stepped between them. "I'm her friend."

Lily leaned into Oliver and whispered, "You have to be super confident at these things," as if she was imparting some great wisdom onto him.

Michael then noticed Dean Rivers walking down the steps toward them. "Looks like you're doing a good job here, Michael, although I would have preferred you move them past the entrance to the school."

"Sorry, sir, I got distracted. So... can I go now?"

The Dean waved him off. "Sure, sure, go play with your technology and your color televisions and what-have-you."

Michael bolted away, but not before throwing a wink at Raven.

"Let's continue, or should I say 'start,' the tour."

* * *

"Have you ever noticed that they put the word tomato before ketchup on ketchup bottles?" Robbie said.

Beck stared at him blankly. "Terrible."

Robbie sighed loudly. "Oh come on, that was a good one!"

"Listen, Robbie, you're never going to get a girl interested in you by talking about condiments."

Rex's head swiveled on Robbie's arm. "Yeah, maybe you should bring out the big guns; utensils."

Beck and Robbie were sitting in the popular restaurant Nozu. It was near lunch time, but the patrons were few. When a girl walked over to their table, Beck figured it was a waitress. "Yeah, I'll have two Alaska Rolls and a Wahoo Punch in a can, please."

"I'm not a waitress."

"She probably came over here to talk to me," Robbie whispered to Rex.

"Psh," Rex began, "We may as well have stuck a fork in you years ago, you don't got no play, mop-head."

"I don't care what you say, I'm gonna take a spoonful of courage and talk to her."

"All this utensil banter is making me feel more uncool by the second."

Beck turned back to them. "You know we can _hear_ you, right? We've literally been waiting for you to stop talking."

"Oh, sorry..."

The girl smiled. "I actually did come over to talk to you."

"Really?"

"Yes, silly! My name's Quinn."

"I'm Robbie."

"I gathered that."

"I'm Rex, his better half."

Quinn pulled Rex from Robbie's arm and flung him to the side, which ended up putting him on a path for the girl's restroom. "Vulgar puppets disturb me." One of her hands still held Robbie's arm. She looked at his fingernails and then brought them closer to her face until Robbie was stretched over the table. "What amazing cuticles!"

"Thanks, I spent all yesterday at the nail salon."

Beck shook his head. "Of course you did."

"Do you think I could examine you?" Quinn asked excitedly.

"Yes... yes you could." Robbie said and lifted himself up. "Let me just go get Rex." Robbie placed his hands over his eyes before blindly walking into the girl's room.

A few moments later there was a scream and a girl yelled, "Get your hands off me!"

"I'm sorry! Your skin's just so dry, like a puppet's. It confused me!"

_Slap_.

* * *

Dustin Brooks sat in his seat and gazed at the other students. _I shouldn't even be here_, he thought._ If only PCA hadn't gotten rid of the lower grades so they could let in more high school students. This is so lame._

"Okay everyone, if you'd please take your seats. Welcome to West Hollywood Middle School." Dustin forgot to pay attention as the woman in the front of the class told them her name and tried to outline what they'd be doing that year. The other kids were definitely making it difficult for her.

A girl with black hair who was sitting in the front row raised her hand.

"Yes...?" The teacher checked her seating chart. "Megan?"

Megan stood as she answered. "How long do you think you'll last?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, how long do you think you'll last teaching in this classroom?" She put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow. "Keeping in mind that I've booby trapped the top drawer of your desk."

The teacher cocked her head to the side and backed up to her desk. "Well, someone certainly has an overactive imagination." Her brow furrowed as she slowly slid the top drawer of her desk open. "_Whew_. I plan," she began and sat down. "To 'last' the entire..." She trailed off as her eyes began to roll and she collapsed to the floor.

"And by 'top drawer of your desk,'" said Megan, "I meant 'seat of your chair.'" Megan moved to the front of the room and stood atop the teacher's desk. "I am the Queen of this public middle school classroom! You are my subjects."

A blond boy near the back raised his hand. Megan called on him, first mimicking the teacher by checking the seating chart. "Yes, Zack?" She then ripped the chart in half.

"Since my brother Cody and I are twins, can he pull double subject-duty for the both of us? I would much rather sit back here and play videogames."

Another blond boy, near the front and obviously Zack's brother, turned to face him. "Zack, shut up! Like you even have the higher brain functions necessary to turn a videogame _on_."

"Stop your bickering!" Megan commanded. "Now, who has an offering for their Queen?" She lowered herself until she sat on the desk, her feet dangling over the edge. "I'm waiting."

A black boy came up to her and shakily handed her a handful of bills. "I'm Cory. Nice to meet you."

Megan smiled at him as she took the money and counted it. "Cool. You get the esteemed reward of being my Number Two."

"Ha, _Number Two_," said a kid with a chuckle as he pointed at Cory.

"Be quiet, Guppy."


	2. Episode 2

Drake, standing on the miniature stage, concluded his performance by outstretching his arm vaguely toward the audience.

"And so went my _spirit_." He smiled as he stepped down and handed a small pamphlet titled _The Bird Scene_ back to Sikowitz. "I nailed it."

"Actually," said Sikowitz, "You did the opposite of nailing it."

Drake bit his lower lip in confusion and looked to a girl sitting near where they stood. "Is he saying I hammered it, or screwed it?"

"I think he's saying you sucked," the girl replied.

Tori was sitting next to her. "C'mon, Jade, stop being so... _you_."

Drake turned back to the teacher. "What do you mean I sucked? I did great."

Sikowitz went to hand the pamphlet back to him. "Nope, not according to me. You have to try again, until you get it right."

"Forget that, I know I did great. I do great at everything."

Jade scoffed. "So you're like Beck but more obnoxious?" Sikowitz had been holding a ball in his other hand, he threw it at her now, but she caught it midair.

"You can have this back at the end of class," she said.

"Aw, that's my favorite ball." Sikowitz sulked for a moment, then turned back to Drake. "Fine."

"Fine?"

"You just passed The Bird Scene!" Sikowitz gave him a pat on the shoulder as everyone began to clap. "You certainly have no trouble believing in yourself."

Tori leaned over to Andre. "He got it on his _first try_, it took me three. This guy's good."

"Or just really really presumptuous."

"'Presumptuous?'" Tori wondered.

"I know words," Andre replied.

The bell rang and Sikowitz dismissed the class. "Fly away little mice, I've got to get to my Baseball Yoga class."

"Baseball Yoga?" Drake queried.

"Or Yoga Baseball, whatever suits you. Now go, go."

* * *

"What can I get ya?" T-Bo asked as he wiped off the counter.

"How about one Tingleberry Blitz and, oh yeah, _a job_," suggested the blonde girl at the counter.

"Listen, Sam, I already tried giving you a job; you remember how that worked out."

Sam looked confused for a moment. "What? That was Carly!"

T-Bo looked thoughtful, then went back to making her smoothie. "Oh yeah, huh. You customers all look the same to me." He put the lid on and handed it to her. "Here ya go, one Tingleberry Blitz for the little lady who likes to dress like a guy."

"Hey, you got a problem with the way I dressed, punk?"

"No, ma'am. That'll be five dollars for the smoothie." Sam handed him a five dollar bill and began walking away. "Hey wait! It's five dollars for the smoothie, and two dollars for the cup I put the smoothie _in_. That's seven dollars."

"I only had five bucks, T-Bo."

"Well then you're gonna have to give me back the cup."

"If you give me a job, I'll be able to pay you. See, I'm cheap, you're cheap, we're the perfect combination!"

Two boys were sitting at a table near the counter. One with long dirty-blond hair, the other with curly black hair. They were both within earshot of T-Bo and Sam's conversation.

"Maybe I should go over there," Logan said, mostly to himself.

Chase stopped sipping his smoothie. "What, why?"

"There's a damsel in distress. And she's _hot_."

"Do you even have two dollars? I had to pay for both of us."

Logan took a few bills out of his pocket. "Yeah, I let you pay for me. Thanks, by the way."

As Logan got up to help Sam, Chase said, "Yeah, no problem. Anytime."

"Hey," Logan said. "Can I help?"

"You got any money, pretty boy?" Sam asked him.

"Uh... yeah, here."

Sam took the money and started walking out of The Groovy Smoothie.

T-Bo yelled after her. "Wait, you were supposed to give that to me!" He then looked at Logan. "That two dollars is going on your tab, pretty boy."

_Why does everyone keep calling me 'pretty boy'?_

When he got back to their table, Chased asked, "So how'd it go?"

"Am I looking especially pretty to you today?"

* * *

"So you're in Sales?" Spencer asked his date as they sat in one of the booths that littered the lobby of The Premiere movie theater.

"Mhm."

"I don't want to be rude but... what does that actually _mean_?"

She giggled and sipped her soda. "Oh, you know, silly."

_I really don't_, Spencer thought before sipping his own soda and smiling at her.

Two men were at the counter waiting for snacks before seeing their movie.

"I can't believe I let you drag me here on my day off, Esteban," said Mr. Moseby.

"We need to do some bonding, sir, to strengthen our business relationship! I read it in Bell-Hop Etiquette Quarterly."

"But do we really have to see Peruvian Fury Five? I haven't even seen the first four."

Gavin, the attendant at the snack counter, handed them their popcorn and Esteban paid him.

"Would you rather see Poultry in Disguise? Sir, don't forget, this is also a chance to get away from the Little Blond Peoples."

"I suppose that's true, isn't it?"

Suddenly, "_**IT'S **_**MY **_**TURN TO KNOW LOVE!**_" rang throughout the lobby.

"What is that dreadful noise?"

An employee with a shaved head and red vest came running out of one of the theaters, holding a baby like a football, close to his chest. A woman came running out after him and screamed, "He has my baby!"

"_**IT'S MINE NOW, LADY, DEAL WITH IT!**_" Crazy Steve said as she chased him around the lobby. "_**YOU DON'T LOVE LITTLE GUNTER LIKE I DO!**_"

"Her name is Melanie and we've never even _seen_ you before!"

Gavin ran back to the area where the offices were and came back with Helen.

"Oh no, Crazy Steve's gone crazy again," she said.

Mr. Moseby told Esteban to hold his popcorn before he blocked Crazy Steve's path. "Unhand that baby!" he demanded.

"_**DAG-NABBIT!**_" Crazy Steve yelled before launching the baby into the air, where it sailed over Moseby's head and landed in its mother's arms. "_**ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, MOM?!**_"

Spencer abandoned his mysterious date and ran over to Helen. "Tell me what's going on, I can handle this," he told her.

"Are you psychiatrist? Or a security guard?"

"No, better, I'm an amateur sculptor with a date to impress. Now tell me what calms him down!"

"Um, uh, folk songs!"

Spencer jumped out in front of Crazy Steve and began singing, "_This land is your land, this land is my land..._"

"_**THIS!**__**...**_ _land..._" Crazy Steve stuttered and lowered his arms a bit.

"_From California...to the New York Island?_"

Crazy Steve quieted down. "_From the Redwood Forest, to the Gulf stream wa-a-ters..._"

"_This land was made for you and me._" Spencer went in and hugged the now tranquil Crazy Steve. "That's right, buddy, it's okay."

Everyone in the theater cheered.

"That was amazing," Helen said to Spencer before turning to Crazy Steve. "Now, Steve, I know we've been letting you live in the projection room, but until you work on these outbursts, you can't live here anymore."

"You were living in the movie theater?" asked Spencer.

Crazy Steve shrugged. "I have trouble with landlords. And authority."

"You know what, why don't you let him live with you, Mr. Sculptor Guy."

"Well, I _can_ calm him down. And my sister did just get into a boarding school, so the apartment's pretty empty. Why not?"

"Great," Helen said before going back to her office.

"Thank you so much, you kind, kind man," Crazy Steve said before embracing Spencer again.

"No... problem..." Spencer tried to say as the air was slowly squeezed out of his lungs. "You must... have the strength... of an ape..."


End file.
